An observation I have made about myself recently is that I am a giver. I instantly jump to help when someone is in a position where they are in need of receiving. Not only am I personally drawn to give to people but I also feel like when I am at my “fullest” people become drawn to that energy. This happens to go hand in hand with one of the goals that I have been working towards, allowing myself to become magnetic. The idea of magnetizing yourself to draw people to you first came to me through a podcast by the blogger Alyssa Boss. In this episode she explains that when you begin to elevate yourself, focusing on yourself and worrying less about others, people inadvertently become drawn to you. No longer will you have to seek out people and new relationships, they will come to you. It the becomes your choice to decide who you want in your life and where your energy will be directed. I have found that in working on myself, I have experienced this first hand. However, once people come to me I have to decide who gets to stay and who to turn away.

During my therapy session last week I was given the prompt to draw a “boundary” for myself to represent something to prevent myself from giving too much of myself to others. I shortened this to “the boundary for giving” because I tend to think creatively the best in small phrases. The amazing thing about art therapy is you can subconsciously express your feelings without even realizing it. I am frequently able to express my emotions through art in a way that I haven’t expressed them through words or even thought. So, back to the prompt. I started drawing a jar then filled it up with candies. In my head I saw a clear glass jar full of colorful chocolate candies so I began to draw it. The jar was sitting on a counter and the sunlight was shining through the top of the glass jar just enough to light up the top layer of round candies. In a boring room full of stale paperwork, dull paint colors, black pens and natural wood, the jar stole everyones attention when they walked through. People found themselves reaching into the jar when they walked past without even an intentional thought of what they were doing. As the day wore on and the people walked by taking from the jar, more and more of the glass became exposed. The sunlight now pierced through the top half of the jar to the wall opposing the window. The candies remained in the jar but weren’t touched by the sunlight anymore. The clear jar once full of colorful candies no longer stood out like it used to. The phenomenon was that every single time the jar was taken from, it became less and less enticing–less noticeable. No one realized that by taking two or three candies from the jar they were depleting its appeal, until eventually they walked through the room without even reaching in the jar. Some broken candies sat at the bottom, the sunlight still piercing through the glass. The glass began to melt into the dull colors of the room surrounding it. And then, the jar that once stood out proudly, slowly became just an object inside the room.

This metaphor of the jar and the candies is what lead me to the realization of, “the jar is more enticing when it’s full”. Working on myself and trying to become the highest version of myself has allowed me to fill my metaphorical jar. This has drawn people to me and my jar but what I am starting to realize is, not everyone’s grubby hands should have access to the candy jar. When I say this I do not mean “surface level” access or even sexual access but rather, giving people access to the parts of myself that is the excitement that so frequently draws everyone in. Too often I find myself giving people insight into my goals, achievements, overcame traumas and future plans. Without realizing it I am giving myself away, leaving a personal mark on someone and letting them “in the jar”, when I do not know if they are worthy of having access. Another way of doing this is by giving into the thoughts surrounding the need to help everyone. I like to think of myself as a “fixer” and a “giver”, which can be both a blessing and a curse. While I do find it morally important to give when I can, I have to learn to accept that simply I cannot help everybody. I can either help tons people in a small way or I can focus my energy on making a huge difference in somebodies life. Making that intentional difference will ripple in a way that making small differences will not.

I’m going to end this short because I feel as though this metaphor can be extremely powerful. Being intentional about who we give to and who we let in is something that is not thought about often. The repercussions that come with giving away too much of yourself can be daunting. As we all are aware, candy jars usually require more work to fill up than they require to empty. Reminding ourselves that we are enticing and desirable when we are full, could have the potential to encourage ourselves to be more cautious about our emptying. Food for thought 🙂