“Rage” is a strong word that can be very indicative of how we are feeling. When I think of the word rage in my head, I don’t see darkness, I see bright colors of red, orange, and yellow. I see blurriness caused by the sheer speed of everything whipping around. I hear loud music that vibrates my bones and creates a lasting ring in my ear. I feel heat, my skin feels wet and sticky. I can see myself melting into the chaos around me, not caring about the consequences.
We all have felt that rage before. I would even argue that we all have felt what you would call a “blind rage”. While being full of rage on a daily basis is not at all healthy for our physical or mental health, it is healthy to use rage to release, to heal and let go. I can think of two instances in my life where I felt full of rage and was READY to release it. For me I realized it doesn’t always build, sometimes it just creeps up and your emotions flip like a switch very unexpectedly. My first experience with rage I will say, I could have let my emotions out in a more safe and less destructive way however, once I realized what was happening I allowed myself to let loose. Most everyone around me could see what was going on as well and just let me do my thing. I remember feeling a wave of emotion all at once about nothing and everything simultaneously. Things popped up that I forgot I even had a feeling or an opinion about. In that moment, I had no cares besides forcing these feelings out by any means necessary.
After this “moment” I had, I did some reflecting. While I was a little shocked by what all went down I also realized that it needed to happen. I had so much bottled up that I was suppressing, knots in my throat that I was swallowing for so long that I exploded like a bottle of coke filled with mentos. I also came to a conclusion that feeling full of rage is okay, and releasing it is totally acceptable but it should be done in a safe and healthy way. Since then I’ve purposely done several “releasing” activities, some smaller than others but it helps prevent the bottle of coke with mentos events. My personal favorite “small” activity is wearing noise cancelling headphones and listening to music while jumping on my bed. It feels freeing to jump and thrash around not being able to hear the chaos that you are making. My biggest releasing activity I’ve done was by far my grand canyon trip. Not only was “scream off the rim of the grand canyon” on my bucket list but, I could felt myself boiling up again. I found myself frustrated and angry about my dating life, my lack of direction in my career and my crumbling friendships. I was feeling disconnected, mad and let down quite frankly.
“I had so much bottled up that I was suppressing. Knots in my throat I was swallowing for so long that I exploded like a bottle of coke filled with mentos”
I booked the trip, got on a flight, took a bus, and walked to the rim. I walked to several places on the rim actually. I kept saying to myself that I needed the “right ledge to scream off of”. I wanted it to feel like it was the right place for me to be. I was on this tour with about six others (all who had about four decades on me). To me, that was perfect because I have always had a tendency to gravitate towards the older crowd anyways. We had great conversations, good laughs and they kept me entertained with their stories of their “younger days”. I didn’t share too much about my specific goal or why I was there alone but, I still felt connected to them like somehow they knew. The ledge I found to scream off of was the last stop of the day. I sat there for a good bit in silence, just kind of zoned out. Then I decided it was time to play some tunes and think about what I was about to do. After listening to a few songs in my Spotify shuffle one of my all time favorites came on and I felt like the moment was right. I sat there and hummed along to Whitney Houston as she sang “I wanna dance with somebody” while finding myself getting nervous to finally yell. What if people looked at me? What if they thought I was falling off the cliff? What if they thought I was weird? With two minutes left before I had to return to the bus I closed my eyes and just let it all out. I heard my voice bounce off the cliffs ahead of me and come back my direction, slowly dissipating into the air around me. I felt light, cold and wispy. I couldn’t stop smiling when I heard the hooting and hollering of the people on the trails behind me. The reason I was on this trip must’ve spread a bit among my group because I got collective “Yeah!!! Fuck Him!!!” from some of my group members. Getting up and turning away from the ledge I felt like I left a piece of myself there. I left my frustrations and sadness, dropped some of my bags and got back on the bus a little bit lighter.
It is important for us as people to LET GO. Doing so in a dramatic, built up way is honestly amazing and should be done more often. I challenge you to plan what feels right, whether it is smashing a dish, screaming at the top of your lungs or jumping on your bed. Let it all out, I promise you’ll thank me after.
Rhae 🙂
Now What? 
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