I came here for peace, to run away from my problems that were all too consuming at home. Even when you run though everything eventually catches up to you. Running gives you a head start but, you can’t run forever. Eventually you get tired. You begin to feel yourself slowing down and eventually you have a to give in to the exhaustion. The high suddenly stops and you feel emotionally and physically drained. Instead of letting yourself feel and process slowly, one moment at a time, a wave of emotion comes over you, slapping you in the head with such force there is a risk of knocking you out. It becomes difficult to distinguish which emotion is coming from what experience.

You become a ball of feelings, one moment observing that you’re feeling too much and another moment feeling as though you are numb. Your anxiety tells you to get up and run while your body is telling you to rest in the chaos. Now you have a choice to make. You have to decide if your capable of sorting through the chaos, pairing each emotion with its event. Making the connections between your feelings and people. Forming opinions and forging alliances based off of what you can finally distinguish as your true feelings.

After doing this and making your choices, you cringe at the thought of making the wrong decision. Cutting the wrong person out of your life, doubting the career path you felt was right, worrying that maybe something else was clouding your vision at the time. Again, you have to decide to run or rest in the chaos and sort through your feelings that you can’t identify. Eventually, something happens that gives some confidence in your decisions. The reality check is refreshing and is responsible for making your surroundings clearer. The chaos becomes less chaotic and instead just looks busy. An organized busy that is manageable and capable of being harnessed. The reality check is what gives you hope.