We have all heard of the mid-life crisis most of our dads have gone through or are soon going to go through. Somewhere in their mid-forties, they decide to put back on their skinny jeans from 2002, sign up for a half marathon, and shop around for sports cars. The mid-life crisis is not about the accumulation of materialistic things but comes from an identity struggle. Suddenly, all these dads realize they don’t have their “mojo” like they used to, and their dreams and aspirations that once looked so far away have a timer that is counting down at what seems like a faster rate than ever. Eventually, the panic sets in, and they do everything they can to turn back time in any way that they can — this is where the obnoxious motor toys and too tight pants come in.
All jokes aside, the mid-life crisis is a serious turning point in our lives. For those of us in our twenties however, this mid-life crisis is quite literally decades away. We have something much more daunting that we are concerned about. Unlike the mid-life crisis, this rite of passage isn’t as incessantly talked about. There are no jokes, metaphors, movie scenes, or generational stories warning us of what’s ahead. What we have to worry about is the quarter-life crisis.
Somewhere in the hell of the decade that is our twenties, this crisis comes at us full force like a sucker punch from an unsuspecting criminal. From my own personal experience, you wake up one day and all of the sudden every goal you’ve worked towards, moral you’ve formed, and relationship you’ve prioritized suddenly becomes distant and confusing. You’re left with questions without answers and doubts you’ve never had before. Around you, people try and help by telling you to stick to the path you’ve been on because it would be “silly” to wander from it now. However, in the grand scheme of things, you feel like you’re still just at the beginning. After all, a quarter is only twenty-five percent. It’s only one out of four slices of the pie. Looking at it this way, you realize that if you change now, you have most of the pie left to explore your new path. The change of direction seems less scary now but still leaves you with a nagging grain of doubt about your decision.
Relationships
Navigating romance as a young adult is not an easy feat. I even hold a strong opinion that it’s harder for our generation because of the intense integration of technology in our world today. This causes a disconnect between us and our elders, making it even more difficult for us to take their advice and apply it fully. Technology opens up doors for us to people like it hadn’t previously done. This is a blessing and a curse. We are stuck with endless options making commitment that much harder. To add to the mix, having our phones at our finger tips makes it all too easy to fall into anxious attachments with our romantic interests. Anxious attachment styles that many of us already have and are struggling to keep at bay. The solution to make all of this easier? Unfortunately I don’t think there is one— at least if there is I hope someone can clue me in.
The one piece of advice I can give that helped provide me with clarity is, writing a list of “non-negotiable’s”. This majorly helped me because you stop saying yes to every advance you get. Your non-negotiable’s help weed people out in the beginning, it also makes dishing out rejection a little easier. Your list shouldn’t be too long and it shouldn’t include shallow factors like appearance. Instead include things like religion, smoking habits, sexual preferences etc.
Lastly, don’t get sucked into the trap that you either NEED to be single or NEED to be in a relationship. This was hard for me. I felt so silly craving a relationship when everyone around me told me to enjoy being young and have fun with whomever whenever. Accepting that even though I’m afraid of getting hurt, a relationship is what I crave and what I want and that is totally okay…even though I’m “young”.
Career
This is agains something we can look at and see a generational change. Decades ago, people started a job and stayed loyal to that job. Usually working most of their lives at the same company and moving on up. Due to economic changes we know that this isn’t the case anymore. For many of us, we will switch employers two or three times in our first few years of our career. Some of us will even change career paths entirely ten years into our working lives. I’m only one year into what I would consider my “career” and my career goals today and so much different than I expected them to be. It can be scary to not know what the next step is but, the risk is necessary to be successful.
Personally, I am absolutely terrified about straying from my chosen career path. I have found though the more that I trust my gut and the more chances I take, the more small successes I have. It’s important to not be dumb and to always have a back up plan but, exploring job opportunities and becoming well rounded in the working world is what your twenties is all about.
Friendships
When we were little kids and we imagined being grown ups, I think we all thought that it would be great because “we could hang out with our friends whenever we wanted to”. At least that’s what I thought. No more asking permission for a play date or begging our parents to let someone sleepover, we could just do what we wanted. The harsh reality of young adulthood is that everyone is busy. We are all overwhelmed with our own lives making friendships nearly impossible. This costs us friendships which can be lonely and disappointing.
The best thing about friendships in your twenties is that you will get close different people at varying times. Only in the past three years or so I feel like I have had varying degrees of closeness with my friends around me. If you asked me who would be in my bridal party one year ago, my answer would be very different from the answer I would give now. Again, this was something I thought I was doing wrong. I realized though that this is a time for people to come and go. Sometimes people come back, some of them stay and some of them you just have distant memories with. But all the while, it worth the experiences you get with others.
Family
I would bet money that most of us have awkward family situations right now. Our teenage angst is gone and we are suddenly are “adults” to our parents, but not at the same time. It’s extremely frustrating and emotionally draining at times but part of our growth. I think those of us who have close relationships with our parents at this age know it’s a blessing and are grateful for it. But those of us who don’t have that are jealous of it, stuck between wanting to put in the work to get there and canning the relationships entirely.
However much we dislike our family members, they’re usually the ones who are there when our time comes to go six feet under. Not to be morbid or anything but, the people carrying your casket most likely won’t be your drinking buddies from college.
This by no means is a guide from someone who knows it all. Just some words of courage from someone actively going through the quarter life crisis. It gets better. And we have sports cars and too tight pants to look forward to in a decade or so 🙂
Rhae
Now What? 
Leave a comment