Therapy has this weird thing where they come up with creative names for absolutely everything. I don’t know if it is the liberal arts degrees fueling everyone’s education or what but, interesting names are always apart of the process. I don’t know much about the anger iceburg–that’s for next weeks session, but I do know that it was brought up after a slightly off putting admission came out of my mouth. I said, “it is easier and more desirable to be angry than it is to be sad”. That the raising of my blood pressure, slight reddening of my face, increased perspiration and the touch of rage that comes with anger is more comfortable than having to sit in my own sadness.

Most of us know of the cartoon movie that came out a few years ago that personified human emotions. If you don’t know what I am talking about, go on Disney plus and watch “Inside Out” then continue reading. It expands on the idea that our emotions can control us without us even realizing it. Some emotions are stronger than others, they grab the control board more often and are harder to get rid of. Emotions like anxiety and anger are stronger with more power when they take control. Whereas emotions such as sadness are more shy and timid but can easily overwhelm the system, flooding every inch of someones body when it takes the pilots seat. Personifying these emotions makes it easier for us to understand them. When we are feeling something too strongly it is easy for us to tell ourselves that someone else will be flying the plane shortly. When we are anxious we know that there is a time in the near future that the anxiety will go away. The idea that “this too shall pass” is not so prominent however when it comes to feelings of sadness. Like I said earlier, sadness overwhelms the system, and as a result of that it causes us to lose our optimism.

Anger. To me anger can be a fun emotion to experience. Anger means fast cars, bright and rich colors, loud noises and haphazardly painted smirks. Usually out of anger comes something productive and meaningful. Anger sparks creativity and innovation, the desire to better yourself and to prove others wrong. Properly placed anger can be extremely constructive to most people making it that much more desirable to experience.

Sadness. Much less fun and exciting in my opinion. I think this is why so many people avoid feeling sad, myself included. Sadness comes with heaviness, slowness and stillness. When I am sad I feel like I can hear the hum of the world around me at a deafening volume. Peoples words sound mumbled and muted but the fan in the corner buzzes so loudly it can cause my head to vibrate. Sadness ruins optimism. All the momentum and revenge that came with anger suddenly dissipates. It leaves us feeling jolted, with a slight case of whiplash after suddenly slamming on the breaks on the highway. Sadness makes me want to be as small as I can be. To curl up in a ball tighter and tighter until the sun no longer hurts my eyes. Sadness feels excruciating.

It is funny how anger and sadness come together but do not fit together at all. How they are different emotions that are often fighting for the wheel in our own heads at the same time, the absolute opposite of a perfect harmony Bouncing back and forth between the two can feel like a workout at times. And it’s often hard to know whether to cry or scream. If you should curl up into a ball in a corner or if you should throw something heavy at a wall.

I certainly don’t have the answers but I guess I will after next weeks therapy session.