We have all been there, shortly after a relationship ends we turn to our phones and download that little white flame. Because meeting people “naturally” just doesn’t seem to happen anymore. On the rare chance that it does, we end up finding ourselves in messy situations very quickly. But what is the real reason we all run to dating apps and social media to date? Is it for the thrill of the hookup? I certainly don’t think so. For the most part we can all be divided into two categories, want to be in a relationship or do not want to be in a relationship. We all are craving some sort of intimacy but at what cost?

Most people go into dating apps not with the mindset of finding their soulmate, but wanting to find someone to have fun with. Someone to hook up with without all of the work that comes with being in a relationship. I think this came into popularity because for so long people would “date” but not be physically intimate with one another. So, why can’t we be physically intimate without going through the hassle of “dating”? I am guilty of trying the ways of modern dating and boy let me tell you, it was a rollercoaster that’s for sure. As much as we crave intimacy in the form of sex, we also crave intimacy in the form of friendship, quality time, emotional bonds and trust. When we only pursue intimacy on a physical side it can leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.

I believe that many people think their favorite part about being in a relationship is the physicality. The sex and knowing they have someone to lay next to at night. We tend to forget that the other forms of intimacy are what truly bonds us to a person. Without allowing someone to bond with you past physical intimacy all we are engaging in is infatuation. This leads to something we are all too guilty of, confusing infatuation with love. What we too often forget is we can be infatuated with anybody but, we cannot be in love with anybody.

For some reason, the push in today’s generation has become to accept infatuation. People prefer being infatuated over being in love. The perplexing part is, we just assume we are craving sex but really we are craving to love and to be loved. Just think about it, if we were all only craving sex our copious amounts of hookups would leave us feeling fulfilled. The sad truth is that we have been lying to ourselves, tricking our minds into thinking that infatuation and physical intimacy is love.

Allowing yourself to truly feel for someone has a been given a negative connotation. To me, one of the fun things about being young is having the freedom to be young and in love, not young and infatuated? For some reason love scares us because we are too scared of the potential heartbreak, too worried that we will be “tied down” and too apprehensive of someone getting to know us. However, as people we are programmed to love and long for human connection. Letting go and letting ourselves fall in love doesn’t mean that we will only be in love once. It means that we are giving ourselves the opportunity to experience being in love MORE than once.

Probably an unpopular opinion but, the belief that there is only one person out there for us is absolutely bonkers. We are evolving people that adapt and change as experiences happen to us. Having many potential “matches” is what allows us to continue to have companionship as we develop into new and improved versions of ourselves. If we continue to let ourselves be tirelessly infatuated, we will never know what love is. We will find ourselves guilty of making the same mistakes. Leaving ourselves longing for love, while only allowing ourselves to experience the shallow parts of what love can be.